Emptiness~!~!

I was taking the train home todae when i was hit by a siansational feeling that i haven't felt for a long time... the feeling of emptiness hit me once again... It sucks big time and totally spoils your mood and your day...

I start to feel that my lifestyle is gettin mundane although that is not the case, my variety of activities have increased (ktv, lan gamin, shopping, clubbing, movies, travelling, sun tanning, food sampling, blah blah blah) yet i feel empty.... the joy that they provide is diminishing... What is happening? i don't know...

Gone were the days where i could sleep in sch during lessons, play soccer everyday aft school, eat lunch, go home, take afternoon nap, wake up, have a simple home cooked dinner with my parents, watch tv tok cok, do a bit of hme wk, listen to radio untill 2 am, slp untill 6.45am, run to sch.... and repeat the process again and again... Its mundane and sounds boring but i had unlimited joy everyday...

To be able to do something i really like seems so hard to acheive... Simple pleasures in life is what i seek yet its not what i get...

Although i may look happy, luff, joke, lame ard and entertain many ppl everyday but i'm not happy at all.. Haw Par is a happy place to work in with lots of young crappy and lame ppl located @ every corner of the big room but my work doesn't bring me happiness @ all... Its called a place with no future and it is rightfully so...

The turnover rate of the blardy place is so high that there seems to be @ least 1 person leaving every wk...After many months of building up good wrking r/s with many of the longer staying collegues there, todae marks the begining of a big revolution.... a mass exodus of ppl are leaving... many of them have left and todae 2 more are added to the tally...

V's last day @ Haw Par

V & erm Russell

More are to follow as one by one all of them are leaving the once happy place to further their studies... the number of "strangers" in the office is already @ an all time high and is set to increase and vice verse the communication, gossiping, jokes, luffters stuffs which makes the place happy and fun is set to decrease... Going to a sad place doing boring job that brings little satisfaction? haiz dats hw empty my work life is becoming...

Changes is everywhere, happens everyday and has survived till this date since the day earth was born... Changes is the only constant and unchanged thing that ever existed and maybe it is wad i need the most now...

But what do i have to do to change my life around.... What changes should i make? of coz a job change is top priority rite now but what abt the other things in my life? hw should i change them? should i show more attitude towards things i dislike? should i learn how to be more selfish? will the changes make me feel better or worse? I donnoe.... can anyone provide me with any answers?

Looking back @ what i have acheived since i've ORD almost 2 yrs ago makes me feel worse... I've acheived exactly nothing while others have gotten their degrees and much better paying jobs then me.. but who can i blame? the only person to blame is me, myself and I...

I've many hopes and dreams since the day i ORDed but as time goes by everything seems lost... my dreams are driftin futher and futher away from me and my hopes are diminishing by the minute... Will i be as happy as be4? Will i be able to achieve what i have set out to do? I dunnoe...

All i noe is that once dreams have vanished and all hopes are lost all that remains is the helpless feeling of emptiness....

Eunff said thats all for now...